The other day, I mused over which creature was the least likely to become the next vampire. There were some great guesses, including Lovecraftian Monster Gods, rabid hedgehogs, 17 year cicadas, and muppets, but after a lot of soul searching, I think my favorites have to be:
1. Intestinal bacteria: Although normally praised for their ability to turn our food into something, well, a little grosser, I’d be hard pressed to imagine a scenario where our beautiful heroine falls for these little buggers. I mean, it’s not like intestinal bacteria have faces, so those make-out scenes every girl craves will probably be a little disappointing. Possible title for a book featuring intestinal bacteria: Breaking Down
2.Tribbles: Sure, tribbles are cute and cuddly, which lends itself to the approval of young girls. But they’ve also got a real knock against them–their two main purposes in life are to eat and multiply. Even worse, these little guys (or girls?) are born pregnant. It took four Twilight books for a pregnancy to appear. I doubt parents will approve of creatures as into sex as these critters. Possible title for a book featuring tribbles: Wicked Hungry.
3. Chester Cheetah: Although he’s supposed to have the cool factor going for him, you can sense it’s the sort of manufactured cool compiled by a bunch of suits in a room. Teens can usually see right through such foolishness. Just look at his sunglasses, peace sign, and late 80s sneakers. Dangerously cheesy my foot, Chester. Unless he sparkles in the sun, I think his chances of taking off in young adult literature are slim. Possible title featuring Chester Cheetah: CheeseDust.