**** are the New Vampires

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**** are the New Vampires

We’ve all heardjpeg1124519040 the speculation as to what sort of creature will become the next vampire or new “it” creature in books, film, TV shows, and ironic indie band names. Will it be werewolves? Zombies? Fallen angels? Romances featuring all these creatures are forthcoming in children’s lit, and they’ll be fighting, clawing, and howling for top billing on bookshelves everywhere.

Rather than speculate which, if any, of these creatures will take the lead and become the new hot, brooding creature of tomorrow, I thought it might be fun to list the least likely monster/creature/beast of lore to next capture the hearts and pocketbooks of countless swooning fans.

CHECK HERE for the winners.

  1. Lerprechauns.
    They were pretty big for a while when I was growing up, but I think they’ve packed up with their pot o gold and moved to safer ground…

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  2. Lovecraftian monster gods.

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  3. I am officially starting a petition to have Catholic School Nuns be the New Vampires. I’d also like to nominate a couple of my ex’s.

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  5. IRS agents. >.>

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  6. Intestinal bacteria. Or chupacabras.

    Here’s a related question (to angels, not chupacabras):

    Let’s say someone is working on, say, an angel novel (though not a romance). And that someone knows it will take a few months yet to get it ready for submission (though she is finishing a revision this weekend–snap!).

    Is that someone sort of screwed because the thing she started working on almost a year ago has become trendy?

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    • @Martha I’d say that someone should defer to his or her agent for a final ruling, but I can throw in my two cents: I recently had an editor say to me, through Twitter, “Hate to be trendy, but if you have a fallen angel book, we’re looking.”

      In the same way I don’t advise chasing trends, I certainly wouldn’t say to scrap a legitimate project just because it may soon become trendy. We all thought Vampires would be dead (ha-ha) by now, and they’re still around. So I wouldn’t say to throw something away just because others are doing it, too. Unless it’s something silly, like wearing a skort.

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  7. Tribbles. Nothing says hot and brooding like a thing with no mouth, legs, or eyes which reproduces asexually like mad. That’s the trouble with tribbles, though. They may possibly be just too sexy.

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  8. @Chris, really? Crud, I won’t be able to change until I get home late tonight.

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  9. An army of Jack Frost clones, attacking with their Paintbrushes of Doom.

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  10. The Creature from the Black Lagoon. He’s just too much of a horndog.

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  11. 1 – Weremaggots (well… unless they sparkle)

    2 – Chester Cheetah (the mascot for Cheetos)

    3 – H.R. Pufnstuf (though I could see Wichiepoo becoming big)

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  12. 17 year cicadas?

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  13. So, what you’re saying is to do a find and replace switching out “vampire” with “fallen angels”?

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  14. I vote for a band of Snuggie-wearing little old ladies on Hoveround motorized scooters armed with hard candies and prune juice.

    That, or an army of Tickle-Me-Elmo-wielding teething toddlers who haven’t napped in ten days. (Oh, sorry … I just happen to live with one of those, and believe me, they are extremely scary …)

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  15. Hermaphrodites (in the mythological sense). Hard to swoon over an asexual creature.

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  16. Wendy, that is fantastic! I’m voting for tribbles.

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  17. I’m going with the hairy frogfish. I’d also add aardvarks because they’d always have to stop and spell their name for people and explain what they are. I guess if they ate aunts instead of ants they’d be scarier… but they don’t!

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  18. naked-mole rat?

    the devil?

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  19. Alien teenagers from outer space who are spiritual but not religious. Oh, and they’re gorgeous, natch. They’ve always got that far-off look in their three, soulful eyes.

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  20. Least likely? Hmmm….

    It’d have to be Rainbow Brite. Unless her smile is just to sparkly and frightens the kiddies to death, which is possible.

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  21. Vamped, shape-shifting, fairy-winged agents! Definitely not “it”!

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  22. “His simmering glare reached me from across the room. His dark eyes gleamed beneath his silver white brows, sending shivers up my spine… His skin as blue as the sky, I found myself drawn to him. With the effort as casual as a breath… he removed the white cap from his head, and said in a silky voice, “Hello, they call me Papa Smurf… and who might you be?” ”

    >from a book I haven’t written….. yet.

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  23. The Yeti . . . think of the potential for sexual tension.

    sf

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  24. You obviously missed Maggie Stiefvater’s announcement that KRAKEN are the new vampire.

    Yes. They are.

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  25. The Wuzzles. They always had that weird half breed relationship going on. But they just don’t have the sexy factor to be the next vampires.

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  26. Squirrels. I mean…like my young daughter once pointed out, “they like giving each other piggy back rides!”

    (Though I like Tribbles, too.)

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  27. […] other day, I mused over which creature was the least likely to become the next vampire. There were some great guesses, including Lovecraftian Monster Gods, rabid hedgehogs, 17 year […]

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